WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
