dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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