I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
