three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
