I've blown a few things in my day
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
