i jhust puked up my retainher.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize