When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
