I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
