I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
