take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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