i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
