I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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