I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
