I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You can't just leave with hair like that
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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