I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
