I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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