that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The best revenge is premature balding
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
