Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
