I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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