Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've blown a few things in my day
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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