its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
