i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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