I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
