great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
