he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
