This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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