I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
