She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
