how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
