You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
