You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
