My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
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