So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
