sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
