:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
