The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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