I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
