How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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