This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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