Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
