I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
