Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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