I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
