Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize