I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
