Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize