windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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