I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
