my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we're so committed to being not committed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
