1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
