I just saw a hot homeless man
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
