How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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