whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
