farters have to be the big spoon...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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