I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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