2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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