Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
