the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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