i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
