She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
