I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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