Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
