Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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