I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
