I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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