Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
