I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
