Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
