Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
