That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize