I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
