used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
