is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
