i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
what day is it and did you see me today?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
